you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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