need another drink. this is the easiest way
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
