I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
