I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my being single is dangerous.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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