First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
