what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
