Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
being pregnant is like rehab
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
