she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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