im six kinds of drunk right now
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
