Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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