i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
