oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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