Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
