I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
