and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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