masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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