Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
