i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
