It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
