her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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