He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How does one acquire holy water?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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