How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
