There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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