And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
