I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
