Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
