you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
