I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love you. Go after that dick
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
