I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
