im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
