Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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