put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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