Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
