Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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