we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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