I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
