i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
