More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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