I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
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there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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