just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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