Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's shark week go big or go home
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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