now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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