1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
