the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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