Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
worst night to have a conscience
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
