butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
