One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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