So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
