those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
