just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
