great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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