Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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