When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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