I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
