You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
