I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
operation harelip BJ is a go
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
