Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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