Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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