theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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