if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
