I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
