dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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