Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
