im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
