i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
