I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
