No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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