Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
