i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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