soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
