I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
