i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
