I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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