eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
