Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
