My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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