I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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