Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
