so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
