I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
