I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
