Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
