Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize